Mushroom Stew - without the mushrooms

My wife bought me a cookbook for my slow cooker.  This cookbook came with lots of pictures which I find to be a tremendous help.  I can't look at a bunch of raw ingredients and tell what I'm going to end up with.  But a picture...that's another story.

I found myself drawn to a picture of a delicious looking stew.  I'd already decided to make it before I noticed it was called Mushroom Stew.

I am not a mushroom guy.  I can eat food that has "mushroom essence" but no actual mushrooms.  I consider direct contact with an actual mushroom to be little more than a prelude to a stomach pump.

So, I came up with a stew that looks just like the picture in the cookbook, without actually following the cookbook's recipe.  And...there are definitely no mushrooms involved.

Here is what you need:

9 cups of chicken broth
1 pound bag of barley
1-2 pounds of chicken
1/4 cup of chopped parsley
1 can of peas
1 can of corn
1 onion
3 carrots
3 celery stalks
8 ounces of tomato paste
2 table spoons of Thyme (don't ask me what that is)
Salt and Pepper

1 large crockpot or slow cooker.  If you only have a small one, try using the below recipe but smaller portions of everything.

Peel the onion and chop it into small pieces.

Peel the carrots and chop them into little pieces.

Chop the celery into little pieces.

Chop the chicken into little pieces.

Throw everything on the above list into your slow cooker.  Add salt and pepper to taste.  Set it on high and wait for 6-8 hours.

Eat and enjoy.

This makes what looks to be about 50 pounds of stew.  This is because the barley swells up after a few hours.

When you eat it, I suggest adding a little sour cream.

Eat and enjoy.

Please stop by my regular blog at http://jamesdillingham.com

jim

Vegetable Catch-Up

Kids don't like vegetables because they don't taste good.  By that I mean, they don't come with frosting on top.

Men don't like vegetables for three reasons:

1. The don't keep well and we often don't discover this until they have begun to ferment. 
2. We don't know how to cook them.
3. They don't come with frosting on top.

Here is a way to periodically catch up on all of the vegetables you've been missing.  It tastes great, uses vegetables from a can and costs almost nothing.

What you need:

A large bowl
A can of corn
A can of peas
A can of diced tomatoes
A can of olives
1/2 cup of PACE Picante sauce or the equivalent

After draining the excess fluid from each of the cans, mix this all together in the giant bowl.

Heat on "high" in the microwave for a couple of minutes.

Eat and enjoy.

Jim



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Orgasmic Fruit Salad

Okay, this may not be completely "orgasmic" but I know which words catch a guy's attention.

This is an easy and healthy breakfast - if you have the ingredients on hand.

That is a big IF since fruit salad depends on your having fresh fruit in the house.

Here is what you need to make a single serving:

1/2 cup of strawberries
1/2 cup of chopped pineapple
1 sliced up banana
1 single serving of blueberry yogurt

Take all of these ingredients and mix them together in a bowl.  I suppose you could blend them together but why bother.

Eat and enjoy.

Jim

Chicken Breast Dress Up

I am not a fan of white meat.

When it comes to chicken, I'll take a leg, wing or thigh anytime over the breast.

So this brings up the question: What should I do when I thaw out what I thought was a chicken thigh(s) only to find out it was a breast?

Here is what I did and it actually turned out pretty good.

What you need:

A chicken breast, skinned with no bone
A frying pan
Some cooking oil
A hand full of flour (at most)
Salt and Pepper
Mustard
A hand full of shredded swiss cheese
A hammer

Clean off your hammer and then use it to smash your chicken breast flat.  This should take at least a minute.  The flatter the better.

Poor some cooking oil (2-5 tablespoons) into the frying pan and set it on high.

While the oil is heating up, smear mustard on both sides of the breast.

Add some salt and pepper.

Spread the flour on a cutting board or something similar and then plop the chicken on top of it.  Turn the chicken over a couple of times to ensure the flour covers everything.

Toss the chicken into the frying pan.  Now, "toss" does not mean to try and throw it in from the far side of the kitchen.  "Toss" is more of a masculine way of saying, "Put the chicken into the oil, being careful not to splash the oil over the side of the pan where it will catch fire and turn this whole thing into a bar-b-que event."

Cook on each side for about 5 minutes.  The thicker the chicken is, the longer you must cook it on each side.

Lift the chicken up and drop the swiss cheese into the pan.  Try to make a "swiss cheese pattern" that is similar in size and shape to your chicken breast.

Set the chicken back down onto the cheese.

This is going to look really messy at first.  Don't worry, the cheese will harden after a few minutes. (I'm sure there is a technical term for this but I don't have any idea what that could be).

Use a spatula to test the cheese every now and then.  When it looks like it has hardened under the chicken, take the whole thing out.

What you will end up with is a mustard sort of flavored, breaded chicken breast with hardened swiss cheese stuck to one side.

Eat and enjoy.

Jim

The Slow Cooker Solution

I was walking through the meat isle at the store yesterday.  I'm just sort of browsing; like a person at a bookstore.  I don't know what I want but if I see it, I'm ready to make my move.

I came across a 5 pound package of meat that was going for the low, low price of $.99 per pound.  I didn't know what it was but it ended up in my shopping cart just the same.

As I was putting the groceries away, I noticed the meat.  "Pork Shoulder" is what the label said.  I could tell by the bone and chunks of fat that this was going to be a challenge to make edible.

Then I remembered by old standby.  The Slow Cooker.

Here is what I did.

I put the meat into the slow cooker and then added a package of "pot roast" seasoning.  I know this is pork and not beef, but it was all I had in the cupboard.  I also added a cup of water.  I set it on high and went about my day for 4 hours or so.

I then chopped up three potatoes, three carrots, two onion, one stalk of celery, one red bell pepper (all of this chopped up) and 1 heaping tablespoon of my secret ingredient - Costo Monterey Steak Seasoning.

I let this go for another 4 hours or so.

I had to pick out two large bones and a few lumps of fat. (My dog starts his diet tomorrow.)

I just finished my second bowl of this stuff.

This was really, really good.

Try it, Eat and Enjoy...

jim

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Pickled Eggs

Have you ever had that feeling that you needed to eat something but not sure why?  You are full but for some reason, you keep walking to the kitchen hoping for inspiration.

Here is what is going on:  Your body wants a pickled egg.

These things are tasty, filling, easy to make and best of all...if you forget you have them for several months, you can still eat them and they are even better!

Here is what you need:

A pot to boil eggs in.

A different pot to boil the vinegar and spices in.

A large glass or plastic container that has a top that can be sealed tight.  Vinegar is involved and if the top is loose, your whole place is going to smell like the night before Easter (when all the eggs are being dyed).

A large bottle of vinegar.  I'm guessing a gallon is too much and a pint is not enough.

1or 2 dozen eggs.  Take a look at your jar and imagine how many eggs you can fit into it.  That's how many eggs you need.   Or, take a look at how many eggs you have and imagine them in a jar.  That's how big a jar you will need.

1 container of Pickling Spices.  Some stores have this some of the time.  I can never find it even though I know it is going to be in the spice area of the store.  Having this pre-made makes everything easier.  However, you can make your own.

I went through my collection of spices and took out a teaspoon from everything that seemed like it would be good as a pickled egg.  This was a huge mistake.  Buy some pre-made or find a pickle spice recipe online somewhere (other than here.)

Bring your vinegar to boil with the spices added.  After it boils, reduce the heat to minimum for 10 minutes.  After that, you are ready to add it to the eggs.  So lets do the eggs.

Boil your eggs in accordance with my post on boiling eggs.  Put the peeled boiled eggs into the plastic container.

Add the vinegar/spice mixture to the container.  You may not use all of the vinegar but make sure all of the spices floating around go in with the eggs. If you don't have enough to cover all of the eggs, boil some more vinegar.

Safety tip:  Don't pour boiling vinegar into a plastic container.  Turns out that some plastics melt at a temperature lower than vinegar boils at.  I know from experience that this makes a huge mess.  So, let the vinegar cool for a bit.

Finally, put the lid on the container and wait for at least 2 weeks (although a month is better).  You don't need to put this in the refrigerator.  Just stick it in a a cupboard somewhere.  I think putting it out in the hot sun might be a bad idea but that is just speculation on my part.

Forget about the pickled eggs.

Now, when you are hungry and don't know what you are looking for, the pickled eggs will begin to sing their siren song.

Eat and enjoy.

jim

Creamy Scrambled Eggs

The best thing about eggs are that you can keep them for a long time in your refrigerator without them going bad.  That, plus they are used in just about everything you can make in a kitchen.

Scrambled eggs, by themselves are good.  But dress them up properly and they become great.

What you will need:

a pan and a wooden spoon

4-6 eggs, depending on how hungry you are

1 teaspoon of cream cheese per egg.

Beat eggs with a fork while the pan is heating up.  If you don't have a non-stick pan, you may want to add some butter or oil so the eggs don't stick

Add the eggs and then add the cream cheese.  The cream cheese should be in small chunks, about the size of a penny.

Stir until the eggs are cooked.

Eat and enjoy.

Now:  There are several extras that can be added.  Chopped ham is a good additive.  Surprisingly, parsley makes it better as well.  I'm more than a little surprised to find that I know this.

As for a topping, ketchup makes everything better.

Fried Parley Potatoes

I am not a big potato eater.  The reason for this is - I am a big potato eater.

I could easily eat potatoes all day.  Unfortunately, this is one of those foods that you will turn into if you're not careful.

However, every now and then, I want my spuds.

This is easy, tasty and filling.

What you will need:

• A frying pan with a lid
• A wooden spoon (I like wooden utensils as they don't harm the pot or pan)
• Three large potatoes
• 1/2 cup of chopped parsley
• 2 tablespoons of butter
• Salt and pepper

Peel the potatoes and cut them into chunks small enough to pass through the "okay" thumb and index finger hole.

Melt the butter in the frying pan and then add the potatoes.

Cook on a medium to high heat with the lid on the pan.

Stir every five minutes for just a few seconds.  Otherwise you may burn a few.

After 20 minutes (and a few stirrings) add the chopped parsley.  Also add salt and pepper to suit your taste. As always, if you're not sure how much salt, use less rather than more.  You can always add more later if you want, but it's really hard to get off if you over do it.

After a total of 30 minutes, this should be done.  Test a potato.  It should be soft all the way through.

Optional:  As always, mexican cheese salsa or sour cream can make this even better.  Additonally, you may want to consider washing the potatoes and then leaving the skin on.  I hear it is healthier that way.

Eat and enjoy.

jim

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j

Naked Spaghetti

The following is fast, filling, extremely inexpensive and fairly tasty.

What we are basically going to make is spaghetti with the minimum amount of stuff added to it (thus the "naked")

First of all, as a rule of thumb, the single man should always have all of the following: Spaghetti, Basil and Oregano (these are spices, buy them in bulk) and canned, cooking oil and diced tomatoes.

A lifetime supply of these staples should run you about $20.

What you will need:

All of the above and a pot. I also recommend a spaghetti ladle/fork like thingy.  This is like a big spoon with tines around the sides - great for scooping out large quantities of spaghetti.

Fill a large pot half way up with water and bring to boil.

Add the spaghetti and cook until done (around 10 minutes).  Done is when it tastes done to you.

Drain the water and add 2 teaspoons (the smaller spoon) of cooking oil and stir.


Some people will tell you to add the oil while the spaghetti is cooking.  Don't do that as it will extend the cooking time and cause uneven heating of the pasta (heard that on a radio show.)

Add a heaping teaspoon of oregano and another heaping teaspoon of basil  Dump in the entire contents of a can of diced tomatoes.

Stir well.

Eat and enjoy.

By the way, this tastes great cold.  You can also add more stuff like olives (but then it becomes less naked).

Jim

Sliced Egg-a-Palooza

Have you ever eaten a dozen hard boiled eggs in one sitting?

If you make this, then you are about to.

What you will need:

A dozen eggs and a pot to boil them in.

Another pot and a package of Hollandaise sauce which I think calls for some butter, milk and lemon as well.

Boil the eggs in accordance with one of my earlier posts on How to Boil Eggs.

Peel the eggs and cut them in half lengthwise.  Cut the half in half, again, lengthwise.

By now, you have a plate full hardboiled eggs sliced to look like sections from an orange.  Set aside.

Make the Hollandaise sauce in accordance with the directions on the back. This is fairly easy to do; just don't get distracted.  You can burn this fairly easily if you walk away from the stove.

Once the sauce is done, pour it over the egg slices.

Important: Allow to cool a few minutes before eating.  If you start too quickly, you will not be able to stop no matter how hot it is.

Eat and enjoy.

Bueno Cottage Cheese

This has to be my most perfect recipe.

It tastes great.  It can be made in under a minute; and it may actually be good for you.

What you need:

A bowl
Some cottage cheese  (how much depend on how hungry you are)
Some salsa (medium or spice, your choice)

Mix the cottage cheese in the bowl with the salsa.  The ratio of Salsa to Cottage Cheese is not that important.  Experiment to suit your own taste.

Eat and enjoy.

jim

Tostadas

I love Mexican food.  It's easy to make, filling and tastes great.

Today, we are making tostadas.  This is a fried corn tortilla with stuff on top.

There is only one problem with your basic tostada.  You can only add so much stuff on top before it starts spilling over.  I have a solution for that.

What you will need.

A frying pan with a quarter inch of cooking oil in it.
1 pound of hamburger
1 can of olives
1 can of diced tomatos
1 head of lettuce
1 package of corn tortillas
1 container of sour cream
1 jar of Mexican cheese salsa (my secret ingredient available at Safeway stores everywhere)
2 cups of shredded cheese

First the tortillas.

Heat the oil until it reacts (fizzles) when you put a drop of water in it.

Put a tortilla into the oil.  Cook for about 1-2 minutes per side.  Some tortillas will sort of grow like a blowfish when heat is added. Don't panic.  Just poke a hole in it and allow to deflate.  I don't allow any bubbles to form in my tortillas since it messes with the balance of food you will soon be placing on top.

Make 6-10 tortillas this way.

Now, this next step is important.  Open your can of olives.  Dump the water out of the can and put the olives on a cutting board.  Now, dump the used oil out of the frying pan into the olive can, allow to cool and then throw away.  If you don't wait for it to cool, it will melt through your plastic kitchen garbage can (you don't want to know how I know this.)

Put your hamburger into the frying pan and cook until all of the pink is gone.  Drain off excess oil into the olive can with the other oil.

Take a giant bowl and put the hamburger into it.

Chop up the olives on put into the bowl with the hamburger.

Chop up a bunch of lettuce and put into the bowl.  I'm not sure how much a "bunch" actually is.  If you feel like you need some vegetables in your diet, use the whole head of lettuce.  Otherwise, use less.

Dump the can of diced tomatoes into the bowl.

Dump the Mexican cheese salsa into the bowl.

Dump about half of the sour cream container into the bowl (use it all if you like sour cream)

Dump the shredded cheese into the bowl.

Now, stir everything in the bowl together.  What you end up with is a taco salad without the tacos.  By mixing everything up in the bowl, you can heap it onto your fried tortillas without fear of spillage.  Everything should be pretty much stuck together.

Now, put the stuff in the bowl onto your tortilla.

Eat and enjoy.

jim

Vegetable Beef Stew with Dumplings

My favorite meal has always been Chicken and Dumplings.  Not just any C&D, but the kind my mom used to make. It had big chunks of everything.  The best part was the dumplings.  They were the size of a softball and always perfectly cooked.

So I thought, I should be able to do that.

Gave Mom a call and got the recipe.  It basically came down to "a little of this and a little of that and there you have it."

Wrong!

I should have remembered my own findings: Anything that involves bread is akin to witchcraft.

I tried to make dumplings.  I tried from scratch and I tried with Bisquick.  I checked on the internet and I asked friends.  They all said the same thing, "Simply do this..."

The best I could do was a lump slurry.

Then there is this stuff called Corn Starch.  It's supposed to make the liquid thicker.  Same thing as the dumplings.  Everyone said, "Simply do this and then that..."

Turns out this stuff is temperamental.  You must first mix it with cold water or milk, the exact ratio appears to be either unimportant or a keenly held secret.  Then you add it to the cooking stew.  You must bring it to boil or the Corn Starch Gods will be unsatisfied.  However, if you allow it to continue to boil, the whole things breaks down.  You must "skirt" the boil.  Stay there long enough to get a sense of the heat, and then remove from the heat immediately.

This was starting to sound like Anti-Cooking For the Single Man.

Having tried and failed, I am going back to my old formula; one which has served me well.

Keep it simple.  Make it fast.  Make it good and make it filling.

What you will need;

A large pan with a lid
3 cans of Campbell's Vegetable Beef Soup
1 container of Pillsbury Biscuits (ever notice how hard it is to spell biscuits?)

In the pan, bring all of the soup to boil.

Take the Pillsbury biscuits and cut them into fourths.

Drop the biscuits onto the soup.  The reason you want a pan instead of a pot is to increase the surface area where you drop the biscuits.  The more surface area, the more room for the biscuits (which are about to become your dumplings.)

Turn the heat to low, cover and cook for 15 minutes.

Before taking it off of the heat, take out one of the dumplings.  Let it cool for a minute and then test to make sure it's done.  If the dumpling is not cooked all the way through, give it a few more minutes.

Eat and enjoy.

jim

Easy Side Dish

For most guys, an easy side dish is a bag of potato chips.

Step1: Open bag
Step2: Pour bag into big bowl
Eat and enjoy

However, there may be times when you want to impress someone without going to too much effort.

I'm not talking about impressing the gang that came over to watch the game.  I'm talking about the type of impressing meant to show you have a bit of culture underneath your 49ers T-shirt.

So here is our goal:  Must be easy.  Must be unique.  Must taste great.

Here is what you need:

• 2 peeled Granny Smith Apples.  The green ones that have a bit of tang to them
• 4 to 6 ounces of smoked Gouda cheese or some other mild white cheese that has brown edges (this indicates smoked - or at least I think it does).
• 1 can of whole kernel corn.  Be careful not to buy the creamed corn.  I can't tell you how many times I've made that mistake.
• 1 large, heaping tablespoon (the bigger of the two spoons) of sour cream.

Put the corn into the bowl.  Cut up the cheese and the apples so they are in chucks about the size of a kernel of corn.  Add them to the bowl.  Add the sour cream and stir.  You may need a little more sour cream to suit your taste.  It's best to start on the low end because sour cream is really hard to take off if you put too much in to begin with.

Eat and enjoy.

Pasta Dumplings

This is a multi-purpose food when only "bulk" will do.

There are lots of fancy recipes for making pasta.  You can spend a paycheck coming up with things that make long noddles and such.

Or you can do what I do.

What you will need:

A coffee cup
A large egg
1/4 cup of flour
Pinch of salt
Fork
And some sort of food that is more watery that you want it to be.


For this example, let's suppose you're making some soup.  You wanted to get the Hearty variety but accidentally got the regular.

Cook the soup in a pot on the stove (okay, I forgot to mention you will need a pot).  While it is heating up, put the egg, minus the shell, into a coffee cup. Add the flour and salt, then beat with a fork.  Do this with great vigor for about a minute or until the mixture turns yellow and creamy.

Once the soup is boiling, drip small clumps of the mixture from the cup.  It won't pour easily so you may have to help it.  A clump is about the size of a marble.  It wont be round because it's sort of runny but the volume of the marble is what you want.

The clumps will cook in the boiling soup to form pasta dumplings.  They take about 5 minutes to cook and you may want to taste to make sure they get done.

I just made the Chicken soup from this blog (a few posts back).  I decided it was too thin so I added the pasta dumplings with some peas and olives and it tastes great!

Happy eating and thanks for clicking on my sponsors as you leave.

Jim

Enchiladas

This has to be one of my favorite foods.

It's filling, cheap, easy to make and tastes great!

What you will need:

One of those big glass rectangular pans.  I suppose it doesn't need to be glass but mine is.
A pot

A package of flour tortillas.  These come in different sizes.  I use medium.  You will need at least 6-8.
A pound of hamburger
A small onion (size of lemon)
A can of olives (sliced or you can slice them yourself)
A can of tomato past (this is a little red can that comes in 6 oz containers)
A package of Enchilada seasoning (most stores have a section with packets of seasonings)
2 cups of shredded cheese.  Probably one of the orange varieties is best
Sour cream (optional)

Step 1:
Spray some Pam into the glass pan. Every man needs to have Pam in his kitchen.  It's either that or you will have to throw away all of your pots after you use them and then forget to clean them for a week.  Pam is like spray-on oil that makes cleaning a breeze.

Step 2:
Chop up the onion and cook over a medium heat with a bit of butter.  Once the onion turns glassy (about 5 minutes), add the hamburger.  Cook the hamburger until all the pink is gone.

Step 3:
Do this while you do Step 2.  Boil 2 cups of water.  Add the tomato paste and the seasoning.  Once it is all boiling, set to lowest heat for 5 minutes.

Step 4:
Add one cup of shredded cheese to the hamburger.  Add about a third of the water/seasoning mix to the hamburger.  Add the olives to the hamburger.  Stir.

Step 5:
Coat one tortilla with the water/seasoning mix.  Add some of the hamburger mix and roll up. This should be about an inch and a half in diameter.  Place in glass pan.  Repeat this until all of the hamburger is used up.

Step 6:
Pour extra sauce over the tortillas.  Sprinkle the rest of the cheese over the tortilla.  Place in oven and cook at 350 degrees for 20 minutes.

Step 7:
Let cool.  Eat and Enjoy.  You can top with sour cream if you wish.

jim

Chicken Stew (or maybe it's soup)

Like most male-food, this is delicious, filling and easy to make.

What you will need:

A large frying pan with a cover
Something it stir with like a wooden spoon

• 1/4 teaspoon Marjoram (this is a spice like a mild version of oregano and may actually be interchangeable...but I'm not sure)
• 1/8 teaspoon Nutmeg (this is apparently important even though you are only using a small amount)
• 1 teaspoon salt
• an onion the size of a lemon
• 3 skinned and boned chicken breasts (buy them that way and save yourself some heartache)
• 1 tablespoon of butter
• 3 tablespoons of Paprika (a red spice that is very important)
• 1/4 cup of flour
• 1/2 cup of sour cream
• 6 hardboiled eggs (optional)
• 1 cup of cheese salsa (optional)
• Some type of pasta (optional)
• 1 can of olives (optional)

Step 1
Cut the chicken into chunks small enough to fit through an "okay" sign (thumb and pointy finger)
Set aside

Step 2
Cut the onion into little bits, maybe a quarter inch or smaller.  Saute in butter until it its glassy.  To saute means to cook in butter.

Step 3
Add chicken and stir for about 4-5 minutes or until most of the chicken is not longer pink

Step 4
Add paprika, salt, Majoram and nutmeg.  Stir for a couple of minutes.

Step 5
Add enough hot water to just about cover the chicken.  If you add less water, this will end up thicker and we can call it stew.  If you add more water, it will be less thick and we can call it soup.

Step 6
Bring to boil, then turn heat to minimum.  Cover and let it cook for 35 minutes.

Timewise, the first 6 steps should take less than 10 minutes.

Step 7
Check the chicken to make sure its cooked all the way through.  Add the flour and sour cream.  Stir in and turn the heat to high while stirring.  When it boils, turn off.

You are now ready to eat.

I have found that boiled eggs, chopped into quarters and added at this point make the meal a little more interesting.

This is also great the next day, reheated.

For some of the options:

Spread over pasta (type up to you)
Add olives, cut roughly
Substitute Nachos salsa for sour cream

Eat and enjoy.

jim

Mustard Flat-Steak

Men like steak.

We barbecue big slabs of it and then eat it in giant bites, like a lion eating a carcass before the hyenas close in.

As withmost food, its the volume that counts.  Quality is nice but hey, if it was cooked on a grill, how bad can it be.

Today, we'll cook with spices.  Just a few so don't get overly concerned.

What you will need:

A hammer
A garlic press (more on this in a minute)
A frying pan

One steak
A tablespoon of mustard (any kind)
Two cloves of garlic (more on this in a minute)
Salt and pepper
Optional: Costco Monterey Steak seasoning (replaces salt and pepper)
A bit of flour
A tablespoon of butter

Step 1
Clean off your hammer.

Step 2
Use your hammer to pound the steak flat.  When you are done it should be about half as thick as it was when you started.  It will also be much wider.  There is a utensil for doing this but I don't see any reason for getting one since you will only make this occasionally.

Step 3
Spread the mustard generously (thickly) on both sides of the steak.

Step 4
Add either the salt and pepper or the Costco seasoning to both sides.

Step 5
Peel the outer skin off of three cloves of garlic.  A clove of garlic is similar to a slice of an orange.  The easiest way to get the skin off is to press down sharply on the clove with the base of your hand.  This will squish the clove and loosen the outer skin.  Place the cloves into a garlic press.  A garlic press looks sort of like a nutcraker.  It smooshes the garlic for you.  Spread the smooshed garlic on both sides of the steak.

Step 6
Sprinkle flour on each side of the steak

Step 7
Melt the butter in the frying pan with the heat set on high.

Step 8
Cook the steak in the frying pan.  I'd go with about 4-5 minutes a side.  This depends on how rare you want your steak and how thick it is.

Eat using big bites and enjoy.  I'd suggest small bites but you wouldn't listen anyway.  I know I wouldn't.

Jim

Swiss Cheese Pogacsa

It's time to try our hand at baking.

Today we are going to make Hungarian Pogacsa (po-gotcha).  This is a flavorful biscuit that is good for another inch or two should you be looking to add to your waste line.  I did some experimenting with online recipes before making my own (which we will be using).

The first thing you need to know is that any type of cooking that involves yeast is fairly similar to witchcraft.  We've all seen our moms make homemade bread and it all looked so easy.  The fact is that star alignment and ritual sacrifice may have been playing a role.

However, I have  broken the code.  So let's bake.

What you will need:

A giant bowl, like something you could put fruit in.
A small bowl, like something for cereal
A cheese grater with both small and large sized grates
A measuring cup
A wooden spoon
Some wax paper
A cookie sheet
A teaspoon
A small glass about 2 inches across at the top
Rolling pin
A small paint brush

4 cups of flour
1 cup of cottage cheese (warmed to room temperature)
1 cup of milk (warmed to room temperature)
1 stick of melted butter
1 cup of finely grated swiss cheese
1 cup of coarsely grated swiss cheese
1 rounded teaspoon of yeast
1 egg yoke and 2 egg yokes.
1 rounded teaspoon of sugar (powdered)
1/2 teaspoon of salt (at most)
Eye of newt (kidding)

Before you start, there are a couple of things you need to know about yeast.  First of all, it's not a precise thing.  For example, a teaspoon of yeast will be good for 2 cups of flour or 4 cups of flour.  I spent a lot of time assuming I needed to have an exact amount.  Secondly, Yeast is what you need to make the dough rise which in turn makes the bread fluffy.  Yeast won't work if the temperature is too cold or too warm.  So wherever the yeast is, try to keep is warmish. Finally, yeast is a living, single-celled organism that dies when exposed to salt.  So go easy on the salt and don't add until its time to cook (by then the yeast has done its job).

With regards to egg yokes.  To separate an egg yoke from the clear part.  Break the egg in half and pour the yoke back and forth, allowing the clear part to overflow, preferably into the sink.

Warm up the milk in the microwave until it it just above room temperature.  Not hot!

Put the milk in a small bowl with the sugar and the yeast.  It will start to foam after a few minutes.  This is just the yeast doing yeast type stuff.

In the giant bowl, add the flour, the cottage cheese and the melted butter.  Stir with a big wooden spoon for a couple of minutes.  Note that there is not really enough moisture here to absorb all of the flour.  Don't worry about that.

After the milk/sugar/yeast has been mixed  and set aside for 10 minutes, add it to the flour, along with one egg yoke and the finely grated Swiss cheese.  Stir with the wooden spoon for two minutes.  Then, set aside the spoon and mix this all with your hands.  Continue to mix it until the dough takes on a shiny appearance and it stops sticking to your hands. I've noticed that sometimes the dough stays very sticky.   When that happens, I add more flour, a tablespoon at a time, until it becomes merely "tacky." (tacky = just a little sticky).

Leave the dough in the giant bowl.  Cover it with a sheet of wax paper and a dish cloth.  Set it in a oven that is turned off but has the internal light turned on. This will make it slightly warm in the oven, but not too warm.

Wait two hours.

When you pull the bowl out of the oven, you should see that the dough is magically about twice the size it was when you put it in there.  This is because the yeast has been forming little bubbles in the dough.  If it has not "risen", try burning some incense and maybe chanting a little bit.  The gods need to be suitably impressed or your yeast will not work.

Punch the dough with your fist.  This will cause it to deflate a bit.  Sprinkle on the salt and work it in with your hands for about 30 seconds.  Set the covered dough back into the oven for 30 minutes.

Take the dough out of the oven and set the oven temperature to 350 degrees.

Find a wide open space on your counter and sprinkle flour on it.  Plop the dough onto the counter and roll it out with a rolling pin until it is about 1/4 of an inch thick.  Fold in half twice and roll out again.  Fold in half twice again and roll out again.  You can do this a third time if you want to practice with your rolling pin.

Finally, roll out the dough until it is about 1/2 inch thick.

Take the cookie sheet and cover it with a sheet of wax paper.

Take the small glass, turn it upside down and use it as a cookie cutter.  Cut out circular biscuits and place them on the cookie sheet.

In your small bowl, which you have rinsed out, place two egg yokes.  Stir them with your small paint brush.  Then, use the paint brush to spread the yokes across the tops of your biscuits.

Lastly, sprinkle the coarsely grated Swiss cheese across the tops of the biscuits.

Cook at 350 for 25-30 minutes.

Eat and enjoy.

I know this seems like a lot of work but once you have all of the stuff ready to go, it takes a few minutes (not counting the time the dough is rising.)

Jim

Mexican Deviled Eggs

I just made these as an experiment.

I have to admit that I wasn't paying that much attention to the measurements so you will have to make adjustments to suit your taste.

What you will need.

Bowl and fork, spoon and pot for boiling eggs
1 tablespoon of mustard (a tablespoon is the bigger of the two spoon sizes, but should never be confused with the granddaddy of spoons - The Ladle).
1 tablespoon of Mayo
Three heaping tablespoons of Mexican cheese salsa (in salsa section - its the orange one)
A pinch a salt (with salt, always start small and add more if you need it)

Boil you eggs.  As a refresher on egg boiling.  Put eggs in water and boil.  When water starts to boil.  Turn  off the heat and let the eggs just sit in the hot water.  After 10 minutes, put the eggs under cold water.  After 5 minutes or so in the cold water, peel eggs.  You can wait until later to peel the eggs but it may be messier.

Cut eggs in half.  Put the yoke in a bowl and set the outer halves aside; you will need them soon enough.

Once all of the egg yokes are in a bowl, add the salt, mustard, mayo and Mexican cheese sauce.  Mush all of this together with a fork.  It should be lumpy and creamy at the same time.  If it's too lumpy, as some more of the ingredients.  Don't ask me which.  I really don't think it's important so long as you have plenty of the Mexican cheese salsa in there.

Use the spoon to fill the outer half eggs.  Put as much in each shell as you like.  If you end up with just enough stuff to fill the very last shell, then you are paying too close attention.  I always have too much of one or the other.

Now, as you look at the giant tray of delicacies, set a mental limit on how many you intend to eat right now.  Failure to do this will result in bloat.

Eat and enjoy.

jim

Noodle Wieners

As men, we all like food that is (a) filling, (b) tasty and (c) fun to play with.

This gem fulfills all three of these needs.

I am going to give you a simple version followed by a more complex version and then some optional features.

What you will need:

Package of spaghetti (hard word to spell)

At least 10 wieners

A jar of spaghetti sauce (easy version)

A can of whole corn (advanced version)

A can of red beans (advanced version)

A pound of hamburger (advanced version)

Tomato Paste (ask someone in the store if you need help)

Package of enchilada seasoning (advanced version)

Two handfulls of shredded cheese (optional)

Sour Cream (optional)

Simple Version

Step 1:  Cut the wieners into one-inch segments. 

• Step 2:  Slide, uncooked (otherwise this is a really hard step) spaghetti through the wieners, 2 to 4 strands apiece.
• Step 3:  Boil just as you would any spaghetti with the following condition:  Do not allow the water to boil aggressively.  I did this on my first batch and the wieners sort of exploded.  So keep the water hot but not “rolling”.  It should take about 10 minutes to cook.
• Step 4: Drain water, add sauce and eat.

Complicated (and more tasty) Version

Steps 1 through 3 are the same as above.

Now we need to make our own “sauce”

• Step 1:  Cook the hamburger until all the pink is gone.
• Step 2:  Add half a small can of tomato paste, half a cup of water and a tablespoon of Enchilada seasoning. Stir until well blended.
• Step 3: Add a can of corn and a can of red beans. Stir until everything is warm
• Step 4:  Use this concoction like sauce.  It will be much thicker but that is okay.

Optional(s)

Sprinkle shredded cheese over the top.

Add a dollop (a unit of measure equal to a huge heaping tablespoon) of sour cream.

Eat and enjoy

Mexican Fried Eggs

This is really, really good.

It's also very easy to make.

What you'll need:
1 pound of Hamburger
1 package of taco sause (the kind you add water to)
a small can of tomato paste
3-5 eggs, depending on how hungry you are.

Cook the hamburger until all of the pink is gone.  Drain off excess oil.

Mix the taco sauce with water and tomato paste according to the instructions.  It's probably a good idea to read the instructions on the package before you leave the store in case you bought something more exotic than Safeway's finest.

Mix the sauce with the hamburger and then let sit on low heat for five minutes.  Drain off excess watery sauce.

Fry up your eggs and put them on a plate.

Put one heaping tablespoon of hamburger/sauce mix on each egg.

Eat and enjoy.

jim

Bologna Stack

First of all, if it weren't for the Oscar Mayer song, I would have no idea how to spell bologna.

This is a quickie that is high on flavor, low on appearance and is probably not the healthiest thing you will eat all day.

What you will need:

8 slices of bologna
mustard
4 slices of American cheese or any cheese that comes in sliced squares
Two tablespoons of chopped onions
Two tablespoons of chopped olives
Two tablespoons of chopped tomatoes (or diced if that is a better word.)

Now, what we are going to do is stack everything into a big pile, heat and eat.

It should be noted that the three ingredients of "Two Tablespoons" are approximate in size and can be left out or exchanged for other ingredients to suit your taste.

Let's start stacking.

Place two slices of bologna on a plate, slightly overlapping so they form a figure 8.  This is your base level.

Cover the slices with mustard, a lot or a little, its up to you.

Add sliced/diced tomato

Add a slice of American Cheese

At another "figure 8" of bologna.

Add the diced onions and a slice of cheese

Add a third "figure 8" of bologna

Add the chopped olives and a slice of cheese.

Add another "figure 8" of bologna and top off with the last slice of cheese.

Heat in the microwave at high (as if there were any other setting) for 2 minutes.

Eat and enjoy.

Paprika Chicken

I have taken a very complicated meal and made it simple.

What you need:

One chicken
One onion
Paprika (this is a red spice you can find in the spice section of most grocery stores)
Rice
About a quarter stick of butter

Let's start with the rice.  Pick the style you most prefer.  I suggest you look at the previous blog.  For me, I use four cups of water and two cups of brown rice.  Boil the water, add the rice, cover and cook at lowest setting for about 50 minutes.

Now for the chicken.

I recommend buying chicken already cut up.  You can cut it up yourself but you will need either, a special kind of scissors or a saw.  There are ways to cut up a chicken with a knife but this requires some attention to detail and who wants to bother with that.

Set the cut up chicken aside.  Now, find a frying pan with tall sides and a lid.  This is a fairly hard combination to come by so you can use a regular frying pan and then transfer everything to a pot with a lid later on.

Chop up your onion into whatever size pieces you like.  I have heard that if you chew gum while doing this, your eyes won't water.  If that works, let me know.

Over a high heat, melt the butter in the pan and then add the onion bits.  I think this is called saute-ing but maybe not.  In any event, stir to keep the onion from burning and continue until the union becomes glassy or sort of clear.  This should take about 5 minutes.

Add the chicken pieces.  For about 5 minutes, flip the chicken around in the butter and onions.  This will feel kind of clunky since the chicken pieces are likely to be big.  What you want to do is cook the chicken long enough to get rid of visible pink.  The meat will still be pink on the inside but white on the outside.  If this has not been achieved in 5 minutes, check to make sure the heat is turned on.

Now, let's assume you are going to use a pot.  If you are a single man, this may be problematic because there is a chance that you only own one pot and it is currently cooking rice.  Maybe I should have mentioned that earlier.  This is a perfect opportunity to borrow a pot from the cute girl down the hall.  Make sure she knows you are cooking with fire (as opposed to the microwave).  This sends the subliminal signal that you are at least partially domesticated; a definite turn-on as this represents less work for her down the road.

Back to cooking.

Put the chicken/onion/butter mess into the pot.  Add about 4 heaping tablespoons of Paprika.  This seems like a lot but its okay; after all this isn't salt.  Now, add enough water to cover the chicken.  Stir until the Paprika is dissolved in the water.  Bring water to boil, then reduce heat to minimum and cover.  Cook for 45 minutes.

By now you have forgotten completely about your rice so check the time.  DO NOT uncover the rice until 50 minutes has passed.  The rice should be done before this next step with the chicken.  If there is still water in the rice, test the rice to make sure its soft.  If its not, cover and cook for a few more minutes.  If it is soft, drain off the excess water and set aside.

Back to the chicken.

After 45 minutes, the chicken is barely hanging on the bone.  One piece at a time, take the chicken out.  Take the skin off the piece and set aside (the skin not the chicken).  Take the meat off the bone and put it back into the pot (the meat not the bone).  Be careful because chickens sometimes have secret bones that are easy to overlook.  Throw the bones away.

Gather up all of the chicken skin and feed it to your dog saying, "Whose a good boy?"

By now, we have a pot full of chicken meat and red water.  We have another pot filled with rice.  In a giant bowl, mix the two pots.  Add salt and pepper to taste.  I'm not sure what this means but I know it when I taste it.  I start with 1 heaping teaspoon each of pepper and salt.  Stir it in and taste.  Remember, its always easy to add a little more salt.  It's a real pain to try and take out salt if you find you've added to much.  So be careful.

This is enough food to last a person for a week.  However, single guys tend to base their consumption on flavor and how much spare room they have in their stomach.  This stuff is delicious so I give it 2 days at the most.

Enjoy.

Jim

Rice-n-stuff

There is a ying and yang quality about rice.

On the one hand, it's very filling and goes well with just about everything.

On the other hand, it takes time to cook.

Once you figure out how to cook rice, a whole new world of food opens up.

You basically have three options.

Option #1 is to buy Minute Rice.  Just add hot water and you are good to go.  There is not really a downside to this other than cost.

Option #2 is to buy a Boil in the Bag product.  This rice comes in a couple of different types, including brown.  You basically, boil a big pot of water and then toss the rice, bag and all, into the water.  It's ready in about 10 minutes.  This is the most expensive option.

Option #3 is to buy regular rice and cook it.  I recommend you practice this.  It is the least expensive and offers the most varieties of rice.  The downside is that it takes 45 minutes to an hour to cook.  Here is how to do it:

Add 1 part rice to 2 parts of boiling water.  For example, boil 2 cups of water and then add 1 cup of rice.  Next, and this seems to be very important, lower the heat to the lowest setting and cover tightly for 45 minutes (some rice may indicate an hour).

After 45 minutes, turn off the heat and remove the lid.  Let it set as excess water will steam away.  Test the rice.  If it's crunchy, you didn't heat it long enough.  If it's stuck to the bottom of the pan, you cooked it too long.  I know this sounds iffy but there is actually quite a long period that is considered acceptable.  For example, if your rice needed 50 minutes to be perfect, then it would be edible in 45 minutes and probably wouldn't stick to the pan until well after an hour.

Now that your rice is ready, it's time to add stuff.

My favorite is to add chunks of meat such as ham or even cut-up hot dogs.  Then I add the secret ingredient: Campbell's Cheese soup.  Don't add water, just the soup.  Stir it all in together and you are ready to go.

This stuff keeps well in the fridge so make plenty.

The Kareful Kitchen

It's time to take a break from recipes to talk about a couple of hazards lurking for the unsuspecting single man  in the kitchen.

First of all, there is a biological difference between men and women that make the male particularly handicapped when it comes to cooking: Men can only do one thing at a time.

Women can cook (several dishes at once) while talking on the telephone and watching television.  Men can do all of these things, but only one at a time.  This is a problem when it comes to monitoring your meal as it cooks.

Guys tend to put something in the oven and then turn on the television.  Once they start to focus on whatever is on the TV, the meal is out of their mind until the smoke alarm notifies them that their baked potato is on fire.

A smoke alarm should only be used as a timer for you most robust meals.  Or, if its raining outside and you need to bring your BBQ inside to cook. When that happens and the smoke alarm goes off, its probably time to flip your burgers.

I once screwed up a two-step meal by adding a third step.  I was cooking Lentils.  This is basically Step 1:  Heat Lentils in a pot of boiling water and Step 2: After 45 minutes - eat.  Between these two steps, I added "play golf for 6 hours."  I started the lentils and then someone called and wanted to play golf.  The lentils were our of my head until I came home and they chemically fused to the metal in the pot.

So, get a timer.  No timer = burned food.  A timer will eliminate the number one problem men face in the kitchen.

The second problem is dirty dishes.

We tend to let the dishes pile up until either (a) the sink is over filled or (b) we are out of bowls.  There is nothing wrong with this.  In fact, it's just good time management.

However, there are a couple of things that need to be washed right away.  The following will permenantly bond to any plate if left for more than just a few minutes: egg yoke, Catsup, oat meal anything made with flour (like pasta).  The easiest solution is to simply keep the sink filled with water.  In this way, you can let the dishes stack up and still keep the food from drying on them.

The last thing is the refrigerator.  Most stuff that you eat has a "shelf life."  This is the amount of time you can keep something before it goes bad.  The expiration date is usually put on the package somewhere.  I tend to treat these as rough guild lines.  However, it it's a dairy product and the expiration date has been reached, toss it.  Otherwise, the smell will quickly become overwhelming.

My rule of thumb is to do a sweep through the fridge about once a month looking for things that are turning green.

Well, that covers just about anything that can go wrong in the kitchen.  Happy Cooking!!

Jim

The Fried Jack

I love this one.  It is slightly more complicated that boiling an egg, but not by much.

Before you start cooking, you will need the following:  two eggs, two pieces of toast, one handfull of shredded swiss cheese, one frying pan and a toaster.

Step 1:  Toast your two pieces of bread.  Once that is done, cut a hole in the center of each one.  The hole should be about two inches across.

Step 2:  Put the toast in the frying pan.  Break an egg into each hole in the toasts.  When the egg looks fairly well done, turn to cook the other side.

Step 3:  Remove the toasts with the eggs cooked in their centers.  This, by itself, is called a One-Eyed Jack.

Now for the magic.

Step 4:  Spread the shredded cheese onto the pan.  The shredded cheese should be formed into two shaped piles, each about the size of the toast.

Step 5: Place the toast on top of the frying cheese and wait.  After only a couple of minutes, you will see the cheese start to change color, becoming dark.  When this happens, you should find that you can slide a spatula easily underneath.  If you find the cheese "smooshes up" when you do this, then it's not cooked enough yet.

Step 6:  Remove, cool and eat.

I've tried this with different types of cheese and it's just not as good.  This is true even though I'm not a Swiss cheese fan.

Chili-Cheese Pasta

This is one of my favorite recipes for three reasons.

First of all, it's bulk.  This will fill you up in a hurry (depending on how fast you eat).

Second, you can make it in under 15 minutes, of that time, you are only working on it for about a minute.

Finally, it tastes great.

Here is what you need: Pasta, a can of chili and some shredded cheese.

What you are going to do it cook the pasta and then stir in the chili and cheese.  I say this ahead of time so you can think about the type of pasta you want to use.

Most men have some spaghetti in their cupboards somewhere.  I don't know why this is.  My theory is that it has a half-life of about 500 years so we can forget about it until we are really hungry and scrounging for some food.

I prefer shell pasta for this.  The reason is that the chili and cheese can hide in the the shell, making each bite delicious.

Cook the pasta according to the directions on the package.  To do this, you need to know how to (a) read directions (b) boil water and (c) tell time.  With pasta, it is always a good idea to start taste-testing it a minute or two before the time is up.  The reason for this is that what you consider to be cooked may not be the same as the person that wrote the directions.  Be careful not to overcook by more than a few minutes.

Drain the water from the cooked pasta and add a can of chili and maybe two handfuls of shredded cheese.

Stir in until the cheese is melted.

Eat and enjoy.

This will probably make more than a single serving, depending on how hungry you are.  This stuff is good for a couple of days.  Treat it like you would left over pizza.  It's good cold or can be warmed in the microwave.

jim

Simple Dessert

Sometimes we men need to entertain.

Typically, this means remembering where you left the remote for the big screen TV.

However, suppose you are having a date and you want to demonstrate how domesticated you are.  After cleaning up a bit, you download several of my recipes and soon, dinner is well underway.

The only thing that's missing is dessert.

So here we go.

Per guest, you will need one banana and one small serving of yogurt, preferable the kind with chunks of fruit in it.


Step 1: Peel the banana and cut it into 1/2 inch chunks and place in a bowl.

Step 2: Dump the yogurt on top and stir.

Keep refrigerated until you are ready to serve.

Bon Appetit.

Slow Cooker Stew

If you are a guy and are reading this, then I can read your mind.

You are thinking, "What the hell is a Slow Cooker?"

A slow cooker is an electric pot that you dump stuff into and then leave alone for several hours.

This is what makes the Slow Cooker such a perfect "single man" piece of cookware.

As men, we tend to burn or under cook just about everything that won't fit into a microwave.  A slow cooker is very forgiving as far as time goes so you almost have to go on vacation to overcook something.

Here is my recipe for Stew.

Buy a 2-5 pound chunk of beef, although this will work with pork.  Place it in your newly acquired slow cooker (also called a crock pot).  Chop up a couple of onions and about 5 carrots.  Toss them in with the meat.  Get a pouch or two of pre-made seasoning. (Remember this is man-food.  We make nothing from scratch if we can help it.)  The seasoning will tell you how much water to add.  Don't add more that it says or the stew will be overly watery.

Turn the cooker on to either low or high.  As far as I can tell, this setting is unimportant, so long as it's not in the "off" position.

Now, go do something for about 6-10 hours.  Do not check the meat constantly as lifting the lid lets out a lot of heat.  When you think it may be ready, take a fork and poke at it a bit.  If the meat falls apart, then it's done.  If it holds together and is still firm, then it's not done.  I have checked meat after 7.5 hours and found the meat firm.  I'd then check it half an hour later and it falls apart.  This is sort of weird and there is probably some chemistry involved.

If the meat is done, add a can of whole corn and a can of peas.  Don't add these before the meat is done since long exposure to heat tends to turn these to mush.

Eat and enjoy!