Rice-n-stuff

There is a ying and yang quality about rice.

On the one hand, it's very filling and goes well with just about everything.

On the other hand, it takes time to cook.

Once you figure out how to cook rice, a whole new world of food opens up.

You basically have three options.

Option #1 is to buy Minute Rice.  Just add hot water and you are good to go.  There is not really a downside to this other than cost.

Option #2 is to buy a Boil in the Bag product.  This rice comes in a couple of different types, including brown.  You basically, boil a big pot of water and then toss the rice, bag and all, into the water.  It's ready in about 10 minutes.  This is the most expensive option.

Option #3 is to buy regular rice and cook it.  I recommend you practice this.  It is the least expensive and offers the most varieties of rice.  The downside is that it takes 45 minutes to an hour to cook.  Here is how to do it:

Add 1 part rice to 2 parts of boiling water.  For example, boil 2 cups of water and then add 1 cup of rice.  Next, and this seems to be very important, lower the heat to the lowest setting and cover tightly for 45 minutes (some rice may indicate an hour).

After 45 minutes, turn off the heat and remove the lid.  Let it set as excess water will steam away.  Test the rice.  If it's crunchy, you didn't heat it long enough.  If it's stuck to the bottom of the pan, you cooked it too long.  I know this sounds iffy but there is actually quite a long period that is considered acceptable.  For example, if your rice needed 50 minutes to be perfect, then it would be edible in 45 minutes and probably wouldn't stick to the pan until well after an hour.

Now that your rice is ready, it's time to add stuff.

My favorite is to add chunks of meat such as ham or even cut-up hot dogs.  Then I add the secret ingredient: Campbell's Cheese soup.  Don't add water, just the soup.  Stir it all in together and you are ready to go.

This stuff keeps well in the fridge so make plenty.

The Kareful Kitchen

It's time to take a break from recipes to talk about a couple of hazards lurking for the unsuspecting single man  in the kitchen.

First of all, there is a biological difference between men and women that make the male particularly handicapped when it comes to cooking: Men can only do one thing at a time.

Women can cook (several dishes at once) while talking on the telephone and watching television.  Men can do all of these things, but only one at a time.  This is a problem when it comes to monitoring your meal as it cooks.

Guys tend to put something in the oven and then turn on the television.  Once they start to focus on whatever is on the TV, the meal is out of their mind until the smoke alarm notifies them that their baked potato is on fire.

A smoke alarm should only be used as a timer for you most robust meals.  Or, if its raining outside and you need to bring your BBQ inside to cook. When that happens and the smoke alarm goes off, its probably time to flip your burgers.

I once screwed up a two-step meal by adding a third step.  I was cooking Lentils.  This is basically Step 1:  Heat Lentils in a pot of boiling water and Step 2: After 45 minutes - eat.  Between these two steps, I added "play golf for 6 hours."  I started the lentils and then someone called and wanted to play golf.  The lentils were our of my head until I came home and they chemically fused to the metal in the pot.

So, get a timer.  No timer = burned food.  A timer will eliminate the number one problem men face in the kitchen.

The second problem is dirty dishes.

We tend to let the dishes pile up until either (a) the sink is over filled or (b) we are out of bowls.  There is nothing wrong with this.  In fact, it's just good time management.

However, there are a couple of things that need to be washed right away.  The following will permenantly bond to any plate if left for more than just a few minutes: egg yoke, Catsup, oat meal anything made with flour (like pasta).  The easiest solution is to simply keep the sink filled with water.  In this way, you can let the dishes stack up and still keep the food from drying on them.

The last thing is the refrigerator.  Most stuff that you eat has a "shelf life."  This is the amount of time you can keep something before it goes bad.  The expiration date is usually put on the package somewhere.  I tend to treat these as rough guild lines.  However, it it's a dairy product and the expiration date has been reached, toss it.  Otherwise, the smell will quickly become overwhelming.

My rule of thumb is to do a sweep through the fridge about once a month looking for things that are turning green.

Well, that covers just about anything that can go wrong in the kitchen.  Happy Cooking!!

Jim

The Fried Jack

I love this one.  It is slightly more complicated that boiling an egg, but not by much.

Before you start cooking, you will need the following:  two eggs, two pieces of toast, one handfull of shredded swiss cheese, one frying pan and a toaster.

Step 1:  Toast your two pieces of bread.  Once that is done, cut a hole in the center of each one.  The hole should be about two inches across.

Step 2:  Put the toast in the frying pan.  Break an egg into each hole in the toasts.  When the egg looks fairly well done, turn to cook the other side.

Step 3:  Remove the toasts with the eggs cooked in their centers.  This, by itself, is called a One-Eyed Jack.

Now for the magic.

Step 4:  Spread the shredded cheese onto the pan.  The shredded cheese should be formed into two shaped piles, each about the size of the toast.

Step 5: Place the toast on top of the frying cheese and wait.  After only a couple of minutes, you will see the cheese start to change color, becoming dark.  When this happens, you should find that you can slide a spatula easily underneath.  If you find the cheese "smooshes up" when you do this, then it's not cooked enough yet.

Step 6:  Remove, cool and eat.

I've tried this with different types of cheese and it's just not as good.  This is true even though I'm not a Swiss cheese fan.

Chili-Cheese Pasta

This is one of my favorite recipes for three reasons.

First of all, it's bulk.  This will fill you up in a hurry (depending on how fast you eat).

Second, you can make it in under 15 minutes, of that time, you are only working on it for about a minute.

Finally, it tastes great.

Here is what you need: Pasta, a can of chili and some shredded cheese.

What you are going to do it cook the pasta and then stir in the chili and cheese.  I say this ahead of time so you can think about the type of pasta you want to use.

Most men have some spaghetti in their cupboards somewhere.  I don't know why this is.  My theory is that it has a half-life of about 500 years so we can forget about it until we are really hungry and scrounging for some food.

I prefer shell pasta for this.  The reason is that the chili and cheese can hide in the the shell, making each bite delicious.

Cook the pasta according to the directions on the package.  To do this, you need to know how to (a) read directions (b) boil water and (c) tell time.  With pasta, it is always a good idea to start taste-testing it a minute or two before the time is up.  The reason for this is that what you consider to be cooked may not be the same as the person that wrote the directions.  Be careful not to overcook by more than a few minutes.

Drain the water from the cooked pasta and add a can of chili and maybe two handfuls of shredded cheese.

Stir in until the cheese is melted.

Eat and enjoy.

This will probably make more than a single serving, depending on how hungry you are.  This stuff is good for a couple of days.  Treat it like you would left over pizza.  It's good cold or can be warmed in the microwave.

jim

Simple Dessert

Sometimes we men need to entertain.

Typically, this means remembering where you left the remote for the big screen TV.

However, suppose you are having a date and you want to demonstrate how domesticated you are.  After cleaning up a bit, you download several of my recipes and soon, dinner is well underway.

The only thing that's missing is dessert.

So here we go.

Per guest, you will need one banana and one small serving of yogurt, preferable the kind with chunks of fruit in it.


Step 1: Peel the banana and cut it into 1/2 inch chunks and place in a bowl.

Step 2: Dump the yogurt on top and stir.

Keep refrigerated until you are ready to serve.

Bon Appetit.

Slow Cooker Stew

If you are a guy and are reading this, then I can read your mind.

You are thinking, "What the hell is a Slow Cooker?"

A slow cooker is an electric pot that you dump stuff into and then leave alone for several hours.

This is what makes the Slow Cooker such a perfect "single man" piece of cookware.

As men, we tend to burn or under cook just about everything that won't fit into a microwave.  A slow cooker is very forgiving as far as time goes so you almost have to go on vacation to overcook something.

Here is my recipe for Stew.

Buy a 2-5 pound chunk of beef, although this will work with pork.  Place it in your newly acquired slow cooker (also called a crock pot).  Chop up a couple of onions and about 5 carrots.  Toss them in with the meat.  Get a pouch or two of pre-made seasoning. (Remember this is man-food.  We make nothing from scratch if we can help it.)  The seasoning will tell you how much water to add.  Don't add more that it says or the stew will be overly watery.

Turn the cooker on to either low or high.  As far as I can tell, this setting is unimportant, so long as it's not in the "off" position.

Now, go do something for about 6-10 hours.  Do not check the meat constantly as lifting the lid lets out a lot of heat.  When you think it may be ready, take a fork and poke at it a bit.  If the meat falls apart, then it's done.  If it holds together and is still firm, then it's not done.  I have checked meat after 7.5 hours and found the meat firm.  I'd then check it half an hour later and it falls apart.  This is sort of weird and there is probably some chemistry involved.

If the meat is done, add a can of whole corn and a can of peas.  Don't add these before the meat is done since long exposure to heat tends to turn these to mush.

Eat and enjoy!

Tuna Melt

Items needed:
Two cans of tuna
One tomato
One Apple
Mayonaise
Salt and Pepper
Bread (toasted)
Cheese slices.
Celery

1. Peel and dice up an apple.  Put it in a large bowl.
2. Dice a tomato and add to the apple in the bowl.
3. Dice up two stalks of celery.
4. Add tuna
5. Add mayonnaise to suit your taste.  Start with two tablespoons then add more if it's too dry.
6. Salt and Pepper to suite your taste.
(optional: add diced peppers)

Mix contents of bowl completely.

On a piece of toast, spread the tuna mixture.  Top with a slice of cheese and then put in the oven until the cheese melts.

Eat and Repeat.